Something is changing in my life. It’s a fuzzy feeling at the moment so I’m not able to explain it as I’d like to. It may have started last year after my trip in Leuven, or at least that’s when I first sensed new things in the air for me. But again, it’s hard to pin down what is really changing.
Mandy Brown says everything changes, and as a philosophy graduate I know there is a long history of thinkers who share her opinion. That’s why I’ve begun a long, tortuous process to carefully figure out where I am and where I want to be. Are they two different places? Am I exactly where I should be?
I don’t think so. I’ve been feeling restless since I came back from Leuven and I know something has to change in order to silence the craving cries in my head. I need to look around for opportunities to understand what is going on. Most importantly, I need to look within me and search for what it is that I’m missing.
However, I can’t do this by myself. I can be the one who sets things into motion, but I need someone to help me clarify what those things actually are before I can do anything about them. Seeking an alternative to myself is the only way to get a fresh perspective on what I can’t comprehend on my own.
Usually when I wish to clear my mind I write on my journal. I set out ideas and facts as orderly as I can, and then draw the best conclusion available to me. This time, though, I simply don’t have all the building blocks in front of me. I have some, yes, but I am struggling to put them together.
A viable solution could be reaching out to professional counselling or life coaches, and admittedly I thought about it more than once. Instead I applied to join a speculative fiction workshop.
I chose this approach because writing is who I am. Every time I write I am expressing and exposing myself, so confronting whatever is going on with me through writing can unveil new paths I haven’t found just yet. Furthermore, I’ll be doing it among people who feel in the same spot as me. Connecting with others might reveal to ourselves what we couldn’t see on our own.